Tag: brain

A Personal Treatise on Intoxication: True Self? Shadow Self?

Prologue: Coming off of a vacation–literally a 4.5 hour drive–zero food, zero water (Hello, I’m not allowed to make pit-stops when we’re in a time crunch!)

Setting: 4th of July shindig with the crazy uncle

Background: grew up with an older brother, and aforementioned crazy uncle (15 years my elder, however)

Aftermath: No, I didn’t barf it all up. Yes, the memory of acidity in my stomach is still fresh days later and all I want is lemon water.

Public Persona: I’m told I appear laidback to those who don’t know me well.

In-the-know Persona: I’m assuming everyone thinks I’m a spaz.

Intoxicated Self: Real Self? Shadow Self?

Because this past weekend, my intoxicated self was a*n*g*r*y, loud (always), and punchy! (Usually I’m just punchy with my uncle and brother, but apparently it was directed at all the men this time.)

So does this mean…. my true person or AKA shadow self is angry? In particular, angry at men? Loud? Violent?

Angry at men: Okay, I’ll buy it. I’m a woman in America.

Loud: Okay, I’ll buy it. I have a lifetime of feeling unheard, invalidated. I was literally screaming from the rooftop about the state of America.

Violent: A further step into anger? I’m not sure about this one. I don’t want to be aggressive. I grew up with boys, though, right or wrong, for better or worse. Just a fact. The boys I grew up with were a little rough.

Reflection time. Alright. So maybe not.

When researching about alcohol being a downer, I found EHN Canada’s article about it actually being biphasic, which resonates. When you first drink alcohol, it acts as a stimulant. Then, as it settles into your system, it becomes a depressant.

Woo-woo Time. In terms of balance, if you’re stimulating your higher senses, theoretically, you may be depressing your lower senses. In regard to chakras, this means you aren’t particularly grounded anymore. Once the alcohol becomes a depressant and your upper chakras become blocked, the world crashes back down and you are back in your worldly funk of base/lower-vibrating emotions. (Anger is pretty low on the scale.)

*An aside – check out other posts regarding the chakras.

This makes experiential sense. I was happy and in a good mood, and then when the fireworks took off, my depression about the state of this country and He-who-shall-not-be-named took over. I’m not going to get political here and air my grievances–I love my country–but apparently when my pre-frontal cortex is taking a hit from alcohol and I’m deep-in-my-chakral crud, I’m ready to throw-down!

Verbally and physically!

This is where it gets interesting.

My further deep dive took me to this Reddit post, which led me to this stimulating podcast episode. WARNING: It does contain instances of sexual assault but it also provides insightful conversation about what alcohol actually does to a person.

I’m going to guess Gen X is probably the one who coined the whole drunken thing being your true self revealed (seems like the cynical thing we’d do), but I like what people are saying in the post and better yet, the podcast.

The myopic opinion rings true, especially in lieu of the group of people who used the alcohol in an intentional manner. Whether they knew it or not, their intention to use alcohol in that setting did not create a setting say similar to what happens at a frat party.

Even so, one Reddit user mentioned that alcohol, by way of myopia, perhaps is “cutting off our better selves”. I don’t really think that’s it at all, because otherwise the intentional community from the podcast couldn’t exist.

With metaphorical myopia, losing the bigger picture doesn’t always mean making crummy decisions and making mistakes. Sometimes knee-jerk reactions are the right one. Environment matters. On the 4th I was with the boys who raised me, and felt safe to air my grievances.

My better self wasn’t cut off from me. I was able to focus on the fireworks, which led me to the 4th of July, which led me to my country and everything that is happening in the world. It was a metaphoric myopic moment, where I was able to focus on how I felt in the moment, that moment being Independence Day fireworks, on a rooftop, with my family.

The physicality of my intoxicated self, well, I’m not a violent person, but play-fighting (and maybe some real-fighting) is how I was brought up.

Again.

Environment.

Science Time. After reading the post and listening to the podcast, I wanted to explore more about how alcohol affects the brain. Anyone who knows my writing, knows I love the brain! It’s fascinating the parts of the brain alcohol affects, in what order, depending on how much you drink.

Each lobe of the brain controls something different. Once alcohol is absorbed into each part, and depending on how fast and furious you drink, depending on what you drink, depending on what you ate, your body is going to react accordingly.

Yeah, your executive functioning is gone. There’s no planning, reasoning, or decision making. You’re in the moment, and you just do. Lack of emotional regulation, being in your feels, and losing control of expressive speech? Check. Lack of impulse control? Check. Altered memory if you drink a LOT? Check.

Field of vision altered? Check.

Back to myopia. If your literal field of vision is altered, we can say how you are not seeing the bigger picture. You’re seeing a small version of what is actually there, and that is what you’re going to respond to.

For instance, science supports your periphery turning into tunnel vision during a panic attack. Which means you’re not seeing the whole picture. Read about my take on anxiety here.

So figuratively, this metamorphic myopia could also be being created because of your literal lack of seeing the whole picture. Which in turn makes you more reactive to the immediate aspect of your surroundings.

This, inherently, does not make you a bad person. It’s just you without the rest.

After therapeutically dissecting the 4th of July, I’m feeling better about this shadow self supposedly rearing its ugly head. It’s okay. It’s a part of me, too.

No, I’m not denying who I really am by actively seeking peace on a daily basis. I’m not denying my true self by refusing to stay angry about all of the horrible things that man does to man. Just because I choose to be in the light, as it were, does not mean that the dark doesn’t exist. It doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of feeling those baser emotions, too.

Just because I got intoxicated the other night, it doesn’t mean that I’m secretly this hateful person. It just means that, with the alcohol, the setting, the fact that I hadn’t eaten, my brain got sloppy. Fast.

I wasn’t able to keep my mouth shut and my emotions in check. I got punchy because I felt safe to get punchy.

However, I am graaaaaateful that, while I do all sorts of practices to be in the moment, to be at peace in the moment, even with that limited metaphorical line of vision, I still know the bigger picture.

Remembering the bigger picture is what keeps me sane.

This reinvigorates me to be more intentional about what I feed my brain and how I feed my brain, because as long as I have a little control over how I experience this world–scientifically, energetically, functionally– I’m going to take it.

I Did Insight Timer’s Nervous System Reset Challenge

Photo by Artem Podrez on Pexels.com

… and I’m super happy I did.

I am trying to bring more thoughtful language into my bodywork practice, especially when it comes to the newer services I am offering. I have a lot of training under my belt, but I’m not terribly great at verbalizing in the moment.

Doing this challenge–and consequently, taking notes so I can re-process wording–is helping me curate the language I’m seeking to create.

However, it’s also equipped me with some fascinating new tools. Having been around this field for a long time now, I don’t often feel like many new ideas are added to the wellness community. Well–other than the plethora of new scientific discoveries supporting that which we already experience and know.

See, I forget I’ve lived in a child-induced cave for the past ten years. This practice was a good reminder that while ‘breathe in, breathe out’ is a golden standby and will always be, fresh wording can be created to engage the brain and reset the nervous system.

Insight Timer’s challenge lasted twelve days. However, I freely admit I did have to double up some days due to weekend shenanigans. Even so, the sessions were ten minutes or less for most of them. For those who feel a time crunch, it was perfect to get a meditative activity in each day without surrendering a “to-do” on your never ending list.

Six Notables of the Twelve Sessions

  • Vagal. The repetition of breathing in for three breaths, and out for three breaths over and over again for several minutes without a break was simple and effective. The lasting effects of doing it for more than just a few cycles of breath made a difference.
  • Body-Based Grounding. Beyond just sussing out where a body part is touching something for awareness, you were guided through a series of actions and assessment which added depth to the meditation. Feel the support of what you’re touching, then the weight of what you’re touching. Add pressure, then release, noticing what you are left behind with. Is it warm? Is it cool, tingly? You work with one point at a time, settle, then do a little stretch. Ingenious.
  • Five-Finger Tracing. Why have I never heard of this?! (Oh yeah, the cave thing.) I’ve taught my son another variation of this finger tracing. Unfortunately, while he loved it and asked me to share it with him again, naturally I couldn’t remember exactly how to do it. This method however, is super easy to remember. All you do is trace the outside of your fingers with the index finger from your opposite hand. Breathe in on the outside, exhale on the inside. It engages various senses to disrupt an unwanted cyclical pattern in your brain.
  • Extended Exhale Breathing. You’ve got to be in it to win this one. It was hard to do. I knew it would be, yes, from personal experience as an asthmatic, but also from yoga training suggesting asthmatics nevvveeeer do breathing like this. If you are up to the challenge, you can really extend the exhale. Beyond the six seconds. Breathe in for four to six seconds, but out eight to ten seconds. What?! The second time I practiced this meditation, I managed to do it without coughing. It definitely breaks up monotonous thought patterns, but heed with caution! It is not safe for everyone.
  • Humming for Calm. Sure, we’ve all OMMMMMed at some point in our lives, but this was different. This was led as a directed practice to hum your own sounds for a bit, then stop, then do it again. Maybe I enjoyed as much as I did because of the directional approach to humming rather than it being open-ended.
  • Regulating Through the Eyes. This was really interesting. I’ve tried EMDR before, but to use your eyes in meditation as a way to look without attaching judgment was new to me.

In Conclusion

Insight Timer often offers challenges you can do for free. If challenges aren’t your jam, you can also find random sessions of many different types, including energy sessions. There are sounds, and as the name suggests, a timer you can use for background sounds during your unguided meditation. It’s a pretty cool app with a lot to offer! It’s been around for a while now, but the improvements I’ve seen in the past several years are nothing short of miraculous.

This OMMMtastic post is brought to you by Allison of Nani Lotus Bodywork, & powered by Meditating Squirrel. AI was not used in crafting this article, thus, all errors belong to Allison. Also–she is in no way affiliated with Insight Timer, although, truth be told, she did upload a kid’s meditation once, which was rejected due to sound quality. Will she try again? That is the question.

Thank you for reading! Please support this blog with a one-time donation, or by sharing it with others.

Synesthesia A-HA Moment

The Telepathy Tapes season two is out, and don’t worry–I’ll comment more on that as a whole later. But I personally had an a-ha moment last week that I’d like to share. I was listening to The Telepathy Tapes about synesthetes, and I got caught in a spiral.

I’m not sure why I’m surprised, but I am.

If you’ve taken workshops with me, you know that I tend to over-share resources about the topic at hand. I don’t want your exploration to stop with whatever it is I’m talking about–I want your journey to continue! I want your knowledge about a topic to far surpass mine.

I’m not sure when I first learned about synesthesia, but I can pinpoint a date to the article about it that I share with my students. The article here by Jess Dunham about an artist named Melissa McCracken who “sees” music, and then paints it, is dated March 31, 2017.

So we can assume I’ve known about synesthesia since at least then. But what is synesthesia? Cleveland Clinic considers it a phenomena where (when?!) a person’s brain connects two or more senses in an unusual experience–in relation to the general population anyhow. Common examples are tasting words, or having certain colors appear related to numbers or letters.

Yes! Here I go writing about the brain again!

There’s a “primary effect” of your brain processing a sense–say, hearing your favorite song being played. That is processed as sound. With synesthesia, however, it doesn’t stop there. When you process the sound, another part of your brain filters that sound, and the next thing you know you see a flash of green across your eyes, either while closed, or open. This would be the “secondary effect”.

In the case of the article I share in my classes, the artist then creates unique paintings about what she sees when she hears a song. It’s fascinating.

There are so many different types of associations one could have with synesthesia, and the ones I knew about did not seem to apply to me. Even so, I also know I’ve seen weird things that others haven’t. Heard things. Smelled things. Tasted things. But I’ve written them off as yes-they-happened, but they shall-remain-unexplained-experiences.

The reasons for them seemed elusive. My experiences are real, and it is what it is. Whatever that is. I assume there is a scientific reason for what I’ve experienced, but I know science is slow to explain things (it has to be!).

Last week I saw an (older) online video about these two women’s father who had aphantasia. (Watch it–it’s awesome.) I’ve known about this phenomenon too–it’s where your mind’s eye stays darkened. But I never thought that I could have any variation of it, or synesthesia for that matter.

It seems I can be daft.

I consider myself fairly visual. But could I have a variation of aphantasia, or maybe just not be as visual as I thought? Apparently the mind’s eye is on a spectrum. Where do you lie on it? I’m thinking I’m between darkness and somewhat vivid, depending on… well a lot of things.

This could be why I’ve never been able to draw from my mind’s eye. Maybe my mind’s eye is blank! But seeing something, with my optical nerve, well, that I can draw.

Seeing with my mind’s eye, it’s definitely up in my head, not in front of my eyes. I don’t know how else to describe it.

I can have crazy vivid and realistic dreams. I can also have black dreams, if you will, and a nonstop narrator. Doing some research, dreams apparently come from a different part of the brain than the mind’s eye.

But there are other “dreams” I have, dreams that are… incredibly realistic. And I’m lucid in them. Could that be astral travel? Where things are brighter than waking life, where I see darkness dissolve into a bright reality? Science does not support astral travel at this venture. Here’s an article about it.

Keep on this spiral with me. This all led me back to synesthesia, wondering if aphantasia and synesthesia were connected. (Right now, via science, they are not). Then this led me to the things that I do see, or things I have seen. You see, I’ve even written about emotional synesthesia in relation to whether or not you can see auras.

So, ding ding ding duh!

I decided maybe these colors mean I’m a stinking synesthete myself! I’ve been meditating more, watching the colors, fully enveloping them. What if they do mean something? What if I could utilize what I see to better help people when I’m doing bodywork?

While meditating last week, it expanded even more. Joy filled my body, and like a sparkler drawing a heart picture in slow motion for a photo, my darkened eyelids were breached. As I was lucid, I popped my eyes open in hilarity, excited about what I had just seen with my mind, rather than my optical nerve.

I’m assuming if I see a heart again I know that means joy to the fullest extent!

More memories unlocked. Of me seeing words spelled in my mind, or the fact that I math weird (per other people’s opinions–I think I math just fine, thank you very much). How about the time that I almost didn’t die, and I was considered pre-syncope, only I never felt like I was fainting at all. And I have fainted, so I know what that’s like.

Instead, I really felt like a part of my brain went black, a part that was not the optical nerve.

Naturally, I cannot quite figure out where I fit on the spectrum. I’ve overcomplicated it and brought in too many other factors–like dreams and astral travel. Perhaps this is me being on that wonderful wave of consciousness The Telepathy Tapes keeps bringing up, and these things are on my radar for a reason. Even if I’m slow – or overcomplicating (hey, ADHD!) — this whole personal exploration process of synesthesia.

More links:

This hyper blog post is brought to you by Allison of Nani Lotus Bodywork, & powered by her words via Meditating Squirrel. Thank you for reading! You can also support this blog with a one-time donation, or by sharing it with others.

BTW, AI was used in creating the digital pic, but these words, all mine! ❤

Can You Really See an Aura?

Since it’s spooky season, I feel like this question sort of aligns with ‘can you really see a ghost’? I instantly digress! I think we’d have to define what a ghost really is before tackling that question, so let’s stick to the topic at hand — what is an aura?

We’re going Merriam-Webster here for this one: a distinctive atmosphere surrounding a given source (as in: an aura of mystery); a subtle sensory stimulus (such as an aroma); a subjective sensation (voices, colored lights, crawling, numbness) experienced at the onset of a neurological condition; an energy field that is held to emanate from a living being.

For our purposes, we’re going to use the energy field definition, but isn’t it interesting that it’s also a part of brain conditions? I mean, everything happens in our minds anyway, right?

The kid and I were talking about auras this morning after him explaining an intense dream he had of being chased by a zombie and using lucidity to exit the dream state. This led to auras, him telling me he saw purple around me (!), and my insatiable thirst to see what Science — that’s capital S, folks — has to say these days.

Now, I don’t know if my kid really saw purple, but, full disclosure — I have seen colors around others and also floating in the air with my eyes open; I can see outlines of energy; I can see a pulsing in the sky above an ocean; I can see the little whirlies of white squiggles given the right lighting. (The latter is supposed to be an awareness of white blood cells. Who knew?)

I’ve seen some other weird things, and certainly felt inexplicable things, but seeing a rainbow of colors (translucent, not opaque) is most definitely one of the cooler things I’ve experienced on this rotating ball in the heavens.

The next question you might ask is whether or not I’m crazy. I don’t particularly think so. I’m fairly logical, rational. Yes, I’m emotional, and sensitive — which leads me to what I found on the web this morning about emotional synesthesia.

If you’ve read this blog before, you know I’m obsessed with all things brain.

WebMD tackles synesthesia here, but to sum up: it’s when one part of your brain takes stimuli and creates a unique response. Think seeing music as you hear it; tasting words as you hear or see them on paper. It’s not as uncommon as you think! Here’s another cool place to get you started on your exploration of synesthesia.

To sum up: I’m not crazy, the brain is cool, and yes, you can see colors out in the world that others cannot, but as to what exactly it is? Is it your projection from an emotion? Is it someone’s aura, or the emotions they are projecting in the moment?

Kirlian photography also exists which is supposed to photograph your aura in that moment. I’ve had it done twice, several years apart, in two distinct locations in the eastern U.S., and my “picture” was essentially the same both times. I’m wanting to get it photographed again — as well as my son’s — to see if my tightly controlled ball of red and orange have mellowed out to other colors. (Probably not, I’m still a hot head!)

Here are some fun books I’m interested in checking out. Let me know if you have read any of them in comments below or shoot me an email to further discuss. I hope you enjoy the vibes; stay swell out there!

Continuing Ed Topics: Pain

This post wraps up the current series of continuing education, although I’m sure the next time I need to renew my license, I’ll have another series of the same.

Today’s topic is a great one, from a human perspective, from a bodywork perspective—pain! 

Pain is such a complicated and fascinating facet of existence. The word ‘pain’ is derived from Greek and means punishment or penalty. The continuing ed class I took was slightly dated–from 2013 I believe–so it goes without saying that the statistics from the class have since been updated. Yet, I assure you, the sentiment is going to be the same.

Here are the stats compiled for that 2013 class:

  • Pain is the number one reason why people go see doctors, and also the most common reason for seeking out alternative and complementary treatments.
  • In 2011, the Institute of Medicine reported that 100 million Americans reported chronic pain and that the price tag associated with said pain, annually, was $635,000,000. You know that price has just gone up.
  • 100 billion aspirin tablets are used annually in the world.
  • The shape and color of pain tablets significantly change the effectiveness of the drug.
  • Here’s a fun one to ponder: people over 60 tend to have less pain than those under 60.
  • Talk therapy and back therapy both help with back pain…statistically about the same.
  • Pain was considered a spiritual punishment prior to the 1600s. Only then did Rene Descartes attribute pain to tissue damage.

This model of tissue damage being the only source of pain creates a wall when chronic pain is compared to acute pain. With acute pain, you can usually point fingers to the source of the issue. When you remove the issue, pain theoretically goes away. 

Chronic pain usually doesn’t have a straight line connecting multiple dots. It typically has many lines creating a crazy pattern, thus making this type of pain unpredictable. Even if you remove all that seems to be causing the pain, the pain may not resolve. (This also makes me think of how you can cure something but not heal it, and vice versa.)

These facts lead to a rather large and looming factor about pain: Pain is an illusion. (But so is reality, right???)

I’m not sure about you, but this one sits sort of -eh- with me. But… as stated in the course packet for the class I took, “Tissue damage is not necessary or sufficient for pain.” 

From a personal bodywork perspective, I cannot tell you how many times–almost on a weekly basis–people will present with the same feel of the tissue. It could be a tightness, a knot, a collection of aggravated muscles–but one client will be miserable and the other one will tell me s/he feels great.

You know how much I love the brain. A client and I were just talking about the pain impulse coming only from the brain and not from the tissue or affected area at all. What then? (Ok, we know this can’t be the only way, just like the other way isn’t conclusive, either.)

There’s a study from 2004 (Derbyshire) that states “Brainwave patterns in people who think they are receiving painful stimulus but aren’t are almost identical to brainwaves of people actually receiving painful stimulus”.

The plot thickens…

We’ve all heard about phantom limb pain… again… our friend, the brain.

Under this umbrella, it kind of does look like the brain is causing the pains and not the other way around! It’s receiving the sensory input from the affected area, but depending on context, the person receiving it, memory, cellular memory… only then does the brain decide whether or not the sensory input painful.

Here’s the thing. And I’m not going to go into the particular population that likes pain–that’s another topic–but for the most part, we don’t like pain. We stray away from it. We do things to keep ourselves from being in pain.

Pain often alerts us when something is WRONG and needs attention. It keeps us from making more damage by asking us to change our behavior (like touching something hot). It can activate healing by encouraging us to get care (massages, chiropractic, etc). 

But. Pain can stop being of use when it’s no longer necessary for those responses.

According to this class, it’s believed that that brain processes pain like an emotion. Whether or not something reads as good or bad is an emotional assessment. Apparently brain studies have suggested that the midbrain is affected when something is painful, much like an emotion affects the midbrain. Pain can also be activated by the upper brain–for instance, if anxiety is an issue, pain can be perceived as worse.

The point of the class, I think, is that by observation or learning about pain, pain can be changed. There are studies suggesting that those who are invested in studying pain have less of it. If you can understand where it is coming from, it can lose its hold on you (whether or not you still feel it).

Of course, there’s the issue of chronic pain leading to brain conditions like depression, hypochondria, aforementioned anxiety, lack of sleep, cognitive impairment among others… which of course… can make pain worse.

It’s a slippery slope. I think the best way to deal with pain from a bodyworker’s perspective is honestly just to be attentive to the needs of the client. Offer validation by listening to the client and then palpating the affected area. Hopefully the combination of hearing the client as well as actively working the tissue is enough to offer even a tiny part of relief as part of a whole care regimen.

Thoughts about your own pain?

In Closing

Interestingly enough, when I typed in pain to find an image suitable for this post, the first images were all of emotional pain! And because of this emotional pain, these people were tightened into balls…which restricts movement..which can cause physical pain!

I’ve also purchased additional textbooks on the matter, so don’t be surprised if I talk about this fascinating topic again.

Thanks for reading!