Anecdotes & Book Thoughts, Part I: Whole Brain Living by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. (TAKE TWO!)

|Please note, this was originally posted on September 4, 2022, but got deleted. Here it is again, in its entirety. Thank you for your patience.|

***Part II will happen after I finish reading the book!***

I couldn’t tell you how I initially found out about Jill Bolte Taylor’s My Stroke of Insight. What I do remember, though, is that when I read it, I had this bubble expand around me that I was able to infiltrate with mySelf, resounding in an audible ahhhhhh. 

That’s the colorful way to say I was hooked on all things brain.

In short, Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain scientist, had a stroke and was able to experience it from a trained doctor’s perspective. The part of her brain that had the stroke was on the left side, and she had to fight to stay connected to her persona, her “me”, her division from the rest of the world surrounding her. Due to this experience of losing the divisive side of her brain and completely connecting to the one-ness of everything, she felt compelled to share her thoughts back in 2008. And now, she has a new book called Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life. (Well, from 2021 that is.)

Now let’s talk about me. Moving to 2018, the year I almost didn’t die. It’s a long story, one that still has holes as far as I’m concerned, but very near the time (the summer before) my son was about to start preschool, I almost fainted. For no reason.

However, during the experience, I thought I was dying. A part of my head was black, even though I could see with my eyes. I felt weird — not dizzy. It was as if my blood had reversed course, as a cat having its hair stroked opposite its natural growth. My blood almost felt cooling, or at least the opposite of what it normally feels. Once I calmed down, I could sense surges of energy dissipating as whatever was happening was also ending.

I thought I had had a stroke.

In my late 30s at the time, and generally healthy-ish, there was really no reason for me to be having a stroke. I did take a joy-ride on an ambulance after “The Event” as I call it, and an EKG was done on me. This found a heart issue I didn’t know I had, or rather, I knew I had, but hadn’t named. Blood tests revealed no stroke (but we all know there’s really more than one way to tell if you’ve had a stroke), and at any rate, I was told to drink water and follow-up with my doctor.

An EMS guy told me it sounded like a panic attack. I was confused, because I thought it was purely physical-medical, and the EMS guy was telling me it was psychological. I later developed awful anxiety, and DID have panic attacks after The Event. However, they were very different than what happened to me that night I almost didn’t die. 

(Side notes: I’m not going to delve into this topic here, but I’m assuming being a young-ish female came into play with that assessment from the medic, even as he, himself, had had panic attacks in his life. And of course, I understand that psychological is also brain-science, but again — not going to delve into that topic here.)

So back to The Event. I remember a blackness, but not with my eyes.. it’s the only way to describe it. I felt disconnected from everything. All of my training in yoga, meditation, reiki, etc. seemed useless, because here I was, dying, and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop myself from disconnecting. I don’t remember what I told my poor, young, impressionable son, but to say it didn’t affect him would be naive. 

It was the upper right side of my head that was black.

So, it is with GREAT interest that I found out Bolte Taylor had written a new book, dividing the brain into four characters. Needless to say, I did a lot of googling about brains and strokes and fainting and all of that after The Event. But reading about these four different characters is so telling, I think, because the part of my head that was black is what Bolte Taylor calls Character 4.

The upper echelon of my right head (brain) had been dark. According to the author, this right upper echelon is connected to the flow. Assuming my other characters were still “online”, the ME in me, it makes sense that I felt so severely disconnected and thought I was dying. There was a definite disruption to the flow, to the sense of awe and connectedness. I was left alone with ME. 

My “vision” came back as I sat against my stove while sitting on the floor. I was fully immersed back into my reality, and this is when I felt the final energy surges. I was afraid it was going to happen again, and this is when I had my now-husband call 911. 

I fainted once in high school. I stood up too quickly, and woke up on the floor. I’ve had a heart condition since I was born (nothing to worry about, unless something else happens) but the other diagnosis in 2018 was new. 

Bolte Taylor refers to Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell in her text. In a way, everyone is saying the same thing, and it makes sense that a neuroscientist would liken these human experiences to the brain.

She calls humans “feeling creatures who think rather than thinking creatures who feel”. She claims that the brain cells in our Character 4s are a “neuroanatomical junction between experiential physical life” and Character 3s “boundless consciousness of the universe”. Our 4s are where our spiritual beings — our souls, I suppose — create this physical experience.

It really makes sense then, how disconnected I felt from “the feeling of the cosmos, the sensation of an all-pervading experience of deep inner peace and love” because my Character 4 went offline for some reason. My now-husband and I joke about how dark my “death” had been, but that’s because I wasn’t dying at all. 

So whether or not I shut down my own brain, or I did have a mini-stroke, doesn’t really matter so much to the experience itself. For these philosophical purposes, it doesn’t change the fact that what Bolte Taylor describes as Character 4 is what in my horrifying experience was missing.

She claims that Character 1 and 2 are responsible for creating the separateness of ourselves from everything that exists. These left brain parts are unaware of the electromagnetic fields around and within us because it is their job to keep us separate. Considering we live in a left-dominated sphere of existence, it only makes sense that anything right-brain is considered woo-woo.

For those who want to make “woo-woo” topics pseudo-science (meaning completely fake, invalid and not real), this Ph.D., this brain doctor, is quick to say she doesn’t understand that mindset, as science is literally the tool used to understand the things we do not know. The scientific method, however, is linear, and unfortunately, it would be naive to think that all things in existence can be measured that way.

She claims that joy is the main experience of Character 3, and that it helps dissolve fear that exists in the left brain. She claims the left brain is the “master of practice”, and right brain “makes the magic”.

This seems like a good stopping point in my word vomit on the topic. Her book is broken into sections, and we are almost at the end of Part II where she discusses how to use the acronym BRAIN to get all characters online at one time to make informed decisions in your life.

Such a unique way to conquer how we create the worlds we live in!