allison keli – Page 2 – Swellness Vibes

The Influence of Children’s Books on My Life, Reiki & Writing

One of my favorite classes in college was children’s literature. I really had no idea why this was the case, but upon starting to re-read The Time Quintet by Madeline L’engle, I can see how books I read as child not only shaped how I write as an adult, but also my process of thought, and thus, my life. (As an aside here–I’d also like to interject that Arthurian mystery was fairly intriguing to me as a child, too, and Susan Cooper’s The Dark is Rising series certainly shaped me as well.)

Why was I so open to even try Reiki, let alone practice it? For those who don’t know what Reiki is, firstly, it doesn’t have to be capitalized. I just always do it. Secondly, it’s either a) a part of the measurable energy force within and outside of ourselves or b) the practice of Reiki, a hands-on or distance modality often used by holistic health and alternative health providers. You can visit Reiki.org for more information, or here from Nani Lotus Bodywork.

There’s traditional training of Reiki, which is Usui Reiki, and considered the original means to train. But now there are so many other types of Reiki out there, from one I’ve always wanted to try, Lubeck’s Rainbow Reiki, to Rand’s Holy Fire Reiki, to ones I’ve never even heard of. Sekhem Reiki? Lightarian Reiki? What?! It gets confusing.

However, I’m assuming each of these different types all have a form of distance Reiki. Distance Reiki, from my own personal training and knowledge, can move beyond space and time. We may not understand it with our limited thinking, but I’ve seen and felt it work. It just is.

Logically, you can think back to the past while you are in the present. You can also assume things about the future while you are in the present. Thus, time is not linear, even to the human brain and body, because you can think about things and have a visceral reaction in the present.

Here’s where it gets fascinating in the context of my own life. I read these books as a child, and somewhere within me, I registered the notion that light, and dark, needed to strike a balance to both exist. Without one, there is not the other.

I registered that extrasensory perception (ESP), to some extent, must certainly be real. Not because it’s this magical concept and wishful thinking can conjure reality, but because there are so many inexplicable things in life. Déjà vu, for one; thinking about someone and them calling you on the phone, for another; gleaning messages from random things that you see at that perfect moment; or odd shared dreams, weird shared experiences.

I simply call it being in the flow.

Science strives to define these inexplicable experiences, and oftentimes it does. Science is magic; magic is science. Humanity has been thought provoked for only so long, right, so how could we possibly have scientifically proven all of the magic that exists?

L’engle describes kything, this process of “going within” others and their experiences, connecting even more than regular ol’ ESP. The way she writes about it made me realize, oh my God, this is Distance Reiki. (Another aside: this reminded me of when I was personally learning about Reiki–during the last season of the TV show LOST. And guess what? We chalked up the light at the center of the island as Reiki as well!)

All of these pop culture references, all of these hidden books, or even books in plain sight. Beyond our wildest dreams is the true reality; our limitations taking us only so far. I understand why reading is considered dangerous and wilding. It truly can open your mind like a parachute.

I have no idea what drew me to these books as a child, but I can clearly see how the magic of them shaped my reality, and even my own writing! I imagine that when The Light Thrower series is said and done, my own themes will continue to explore good, and bad, light, and dark, and the delicate balance of the music of existence. And I imagine, as I continue to practice and teach Reiki, that more and more experiences from my childhood will continue to support the expanding reality of my today.

Thoughts on Panic Attacks, Burnout & Being Death Defying Amongst Wellness Providers

Let’s be brutally honest here. Wellness providers at large? Yoga instructors and the like? I’m going to say something scandalous. Here it is: these people, they are human. They are not death defying. They get burnout. They have panic attacks. They won’t always practice what they preach.

At this point, I have followed Yoga with Adriene for a really long time. Not since the very beginning, but pretty darn close to it. I’ve welcomed Adriene and her specific brand of at-home yoga with open arms, finally curating something that felt like a very-real yoga practice due to the videos she offers on YouTube. Over time, Adriene has become fairly famous, having carved out a niche in the wellness industry.

In the recent edition of Women’s Health magazine, Adriene spoke about her experience with burnout, a largely taboo topic for those in this industry. Whether only put on by others, or by ourselves, the stigma of burnout or, for even a short period of time, not applying what we preach, is very real. We are supposed to be mentally strong, these generally guiding beacons of health as we help steer others into who they were meant to be.

I’m not going to call it an illusion, but if a spade’s a spade…

I remember a woman who was vegan, fit, healthy as can be, got sick from cancer and died from it. I also remember a nasty comment from another woman who was almost downright smug about this woman’s death. She had poo-pooed her attempts at arresting death by living well. She was basically saying, “See? You’re no better than the rest of us. You still died.”

But I don’t believe that people who try to live well do it because they want to cheat death. I think, and maybe those in this industry more so than some others, we recognize that death is a very active part of life, for better or worse. Death cannot be cheated, but improved living can be acquired… with forgiveness, kindness, and perseverance. The right kind of perserveance, that is, that doesn’t lead to burnout.

There will be the charlatans who act elevated above all others with their knowingness. But most of the people in the wellness industry, in the care provider realm, most that I have met are humble and acutely aware of their faults and flaws.

As those in the limelight become more vocal to the masses about their own struggles, then maybe a more generalized forgiveness for being human can become normalized, and accepted. Wellness industry leaders will tell you they’ve had plenty of failures, that they too have lapses in their own ability to walk the walk.

This is the thing, see, and I’m repeating myself to make a point. They’re human. This is how humans are. We struggle, and especially if we have the right support system, we will try to do better. If we fail, we will get up and try again. We will have moments of not walking the walk, not talking the talk. It’s normal. It’s human.

In the Women’s Health article, Adriene is very personal about what led her to have panic attacks. She notes that when she had her first one, she had gone to a hospital because she wasn’t sure what was happening. This happened to Adriene, the Queen of Calm. Since the terms burnout, panic attacks and anxiety aren’t supposed to apply to people like her, she didn’t even recognize that that’s what it was.

I too can personally attest to this as well, having a similar bout of panic attacks in my own past. If we don’t get better at recognizing the need to support our nervous systems, more and more Adrienes will continue to fall off of these pedestals, of, frankly, non-reality.

We all need to recognize when we aren’t taking enough care of ourselves. This means daily check-ins, permission to fail, permission to spend a day in bed, permission to vacation as Adriene says in the article. Did I mention permission to FAIL?

EVEN the caregivers. EVEN the yogis. EVEN the bodyworkers, the meditators. Not just even–especially so.

Adriene’s bravery sharing her story is a great step for all of us. Nobody is above failure, burning out, or having panic attacks, even the so-called-super-healthy who look like they have their sh*t together. Nobody is above death. But we all have the right to live life without the stigma of it being a big deal when we, too, fail. When we too, fall. When we, too, have panic attacks. Just like the Queen of Calm.

Eczema, Schmeczema

I have officially been diagnosed with eczema, and as I think back over my life, of course this crud has been eczema. Every stinking winter it bothers me. While I have other skin issues–potentially the you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me-that’s-a-thing cholingeric urticaria–these little unpleasant bumps of itch and burn have been a part of me for a while.

They’ve also been a part of my kid’s life for forever. We call his Dragon Skin, a name that evokes strength and purpose. But frankly, this most important organ of his, those burning red winter hands, really bother me. I’m feeling like it’s not a great sign to have the skin look and feel that way. Which, when he was a wee one, I played around with ingredients to create his own ointment.

And now, rather than putting on pure shea butter out of laziness for myself, or looking for my kid’s old eczema creams, I have decided to play and make a new blend!

The inter-webs proclaim that colloidal oats are a gift from the Gods–and I remember the kid’s oat baths–so I looked into it. Why does it work? How do I make it? Can I make it?

Gift from the Gods

Healthline says that the fine powder of oats–which is what colloidal oats are (not to be confused with oat flour)–is made up of minerals, proteins, vitamins, fats and other power-packing nutrients that is valuable for skin. With antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties, it’s not surprising that studies support the benefits of these oats, nor that the FDA approved colloidal oatmeal as a skin protectant in 2003.

In layman’s terms, it softens the skin, soothes the itch, and helps create a protective barrier to that which may trigger an eczema assault. I can think of other things that create a barrier, like coconut oil, honey, aloe vera, castor oil, and jojoba, which I know from previous usage is easily one of the best oils for the human skin. The internet says things like calendula (oh yeah, I remember that), lavender, chamomile and evening primrose are good for the skin. Wait, what? Isn’t evening primrose for peri-menopause, too? Sure thing.

I inadvertently created a scrub along with an ointment. Do not eat the mixtures, no matter how tempting.

To Make Colloidal Oats

Grind up oats. If it mixes in with water turning it yellow, you’ve succeeded. It’s that easy.

Eczema Scrub

1 tbsp of colloidal oats
1 tbsp of coconut oil – not melted
1 tsp aloe vera gel

Mix it all together. Cover with plastic wrap. To use: Wash/Rinse hands as normal with soap. Using a small amount of the scrub, rub it onto your hands. Rinse off; pat dry. Your hands should be left oily. I would have added more aloe had my plant been more productive.

Do not eat! No matter how yummy it smells.

Eczema Ointment

1 tbsp of colloidal oats
1 tbsp of melted coconut oil
1 tbsp of melted shea butter
1 tbsp of honey
1 tsp of aloe vera gel
30 drops lavender oil
10 drops of evening primrose oil

Melt coconut oil and shea butter. Add the oats, honey, aloe vera. Again, I would have added more aloe had my plant cooperated. Once fully mixed together and slightly lumpy, add the lavender and primrose oil. Keep mixing until it is the consistency you like. Put in the fridge. Let harden. Now, after this, you can leave it out at room temperature, but I prefer the cold temp, so I leave it in the fridge. Otherwise it gets too melt-y for me.

Thoughts

I wasn’t a fan of the primrose oil by itself, but in the mixture, it was fine.

I have mixed feelings on the oats themselves–a little messy. I would grind them up even more next time I make this, or hell, maybe just use an oat oil to replace the oats for the ointment. I’m sure it exists. For the scrub, I would leave it.

I also have mixed feelings about the honey because, well, it’s so sticky. Just be prepared to be sticky, I guess, is the answer.

Next time I make some I will use other ingredients–like jojoba, castor oil, etc. Since eczema is an unending fiend in my life, I imagine I will have yearly attempts at creating the best concoction. If not for me, then for the Dragon Skin Kid.

Does this meet the swellness check? Absolutely. Our skin started healing as soon as we started to use this stuff, and it was certainly less itchy.

On Enlightenment, On Spirituality

I recently listened to a podcast which offered the idea that not everybody is meant to be on the same path here on earth. That notion is never more evident than when you think about all of the religions and spiritual practices circling around with us on the planet.

Sort of a ‘duh’ moment.

I’ve had friends tell me their goals are to become enlightened. Truth be told, I’m sure actual enlightenment is as varied as individuals are.

I’m in the very human realm of survival, sustainability, learning as much as I can, and attempting to revel in the abundance that I truly believe exists. If enlightenment happens along the way, I suppose I’d be open to it.

But to think that everyone here needs to be enlightened to elevate existence from 3D to 4D may just be naive. What if it’s truly more simple in its complexity?

Britannica.com says enlightenment is:

1 : the state of having knowledge or understanding * the search for spiritual enlightenment * the act of giving someone knowledge or understanding

3 Buddhism : a final spiritual state marked by the absence of desire or suffering

We’re all different. We’re all connected. We’re all connected to Earth and its many inhabitants whether we think about it, explore it, dissolve from it, or not.

This idea that suggests that we don’t all need to be serving the same purpose sits well with me. I’m finding solace in the belief that not only is enlightenment not the goal for everyone, it never needed to be, anyway! Balance, right?

There are many ways to experience spirituality. Let’s let Oxford Languages via Google define it:

the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.

Spirituality doesn’t need to mean seeking or attaining enlightenment. And not everyone needs to be spiritual in order to serve a purpose here on Earth.

It’s all kind of refreshing.

Regarding Sexual Predators, Inappropriate Conduct, and Massage Therapy

This is going to be a long one, so make sure you have proper time to dive in. And it’s not-so-swell.

I probably should have started advocating for this with my writing a long time ago. It’s not like me not talking about this is making it go away.

I mean, just last year, the guy I pawned off on others contacted me six months later and again requested my services. Why? He liked my “vibe”. Dude… I wouldn’t work with you before, I’m not going to now, either. His job? Professional boudoir photographer who likes to empower women.

As if.

PLEASE NOTE! THIS POST IS GRAPHIC AND MAY INDUCE ANXIETY AND PTSD SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

There once was this young military kid who made references to his time in Asia on more than one occasion. We’d laugh about it, I’d remind him that ‘we don’t do that here’, and we’d move on. Oddly enough, we were both seemingly genuine in our goodbyes when he was shipped off to a new location. (Thank God, though, right?)

Or how about the guy who (sweetly) brought the entire studio coffee because he thought he and I were “friends” after a handful of sessions? I made sure to make mention of my boyfriend (now husband) at the time. Sorry! Not available!

Or the guy who kept claiming he was hot and needed his sheet a different way. I think this guy was a cop. I told him he had to stay draped. (Policy’s policy.)

How about the jerk who recently texted late at night and asked if I did Karsai. I had to look it up–not amused. I told him to seek a medical doc and if he ever contacted me or my affiliates again, we’d consider it harassment. (I naturally told him a medical doc because clearly he needed a shrink.)

Wow, I just had another memory kick in! A dude who blared his own music during his massage! Stupid me was like, ‘sure, of course you can play your own music’. This jerk made more than one reference to massaging the inside of his leg. I let him know he should probably seek clinical care if he needed help on that part of his muscle. Sometime in the future, he was again in the studio and I immediately made myself scarce. Someone else booked him another massage with me. I magically became unavailable for that booked massage and had to cancel it.

He did not rebook with anyone else.

Jeez. How many times have things been inappropriate that I don’t remember? And why the hell is this a part of my job?

Here’s the latest doozy! The asshat I banned in 2020 is back! WTF!

Here’s how I see it:

This particular prick groomed me. I was always leery around him, but I’m a professional and kept him as a client for over a year. Over a year! Looking back, at the time of the infraction, he had stopped talking about his wife and kids. I swear one time I saw him check out my ass. During the pandemic, he even reached out to my Facebook account and asked if I would massage him at his house. I reminded him that that was highly illegal at that point; no freaking way. (No way, anyway!) He would email my business account, too.

Right before the infraction I regrettably had offered some personal information that I was about to get married–this was only to imply that I would be out of town for awhile, so if he wanted an appointment sometime before then, he should go ahead and make one. Rereading old emails, he did offer me an early congratulations, and said he’d like to see me one more time but if he couldn’t, he understood, and he wished me the best.

I was literally just telling him I’d be out of town for awhile. Holy crap — this was his response: I guess I didn’t know how to take it at 1st. I would love to continue to see you! You’re the best massage therapist I’ve ever had! So I’ll book for Saturday & hope it works out. He later went on to say he really needed it, and my dumbass told him to take a rest if he was working out too much! (Guess he had been telling me about his manly weightlifting. Eye roll.)

OH! This is so freaking infuriating!!!

So the day of the infraction: I took him into a room he’d never been in before because we had another therapist working at the time. This room is a beautiful room with lit salt panels on the walls, any color of your choosing.

My guess is he took it as special for him, not special in general. (It’s a damn lovely space.)

He clearly missed the point that the other massage room was in use, so we needed somewhere else to go!

WARNING! WARNING! ABOUT TO GET GROSS AF!

At any rate, I was in denial about what was going on. He was often ticklish. He often adjusted himself while lying prone. He often “responded” that way when he was supine. In school, we are taught that this is normal and there’s no reason to shame a man for “relaxing”, right? Maybe it shouldn’t be normalized. Maybe that’s more patriarchal bullshit.

And so this particular day he adjusted himself for quite a bit, so long that I almost said something to him about it. I turned away from his lower half to continue working on his back, jabbing into the QL muscle, into his traps, trying to come up a with a solution to make. it. stop! Before I could enact any sort of plan, though, his apparent need to stop “readjusting” must have kicked in.

So I convinced myself that it had never happened.

Even so, when I discovered disgusting wet sheets upon his departure, I was floored. FLOORED!

Is that really what happened? What the hell was this guy’s problem?

It is still etched into my memory how another person in the studio asked about his massage while the predator was waiting to pay. I can see his smile, the acknowledgment of another great massage from me. The God Blasted NERVE.

I was freaking weak afterwards, calling my now-husband in disbelief. I contacted the studio owner and she graciously let me ban the psycho in my own way, which was an email:

Dear (Name):
In lieu of what happened during or after your massage session on Saturday, October 3, 2020 at 10:45AM, our therapeutic and professional relationship has ended. This isn’t the first time I’ve suspected something, and while I’m not sure if your actions on the table and subsequent wet sheets left behind on Saturday were nefarious on your part, it doesn’t matter; this is a clear violation of the client / licensed massage therapist professional relationship, and trust is now broken as ethical boundaries on your part have been crossed. I am a professional through and through, and this behavior insults my intelligence and the profession at large. The owner of the studio is being CCed on this email. The other therapists who work at the studio also know what happened. This event is well-documented. There is no need for a response, and this email effectively ends all future communication with me, and all future communication with everyone affiliated with (Name of Studio).

Look at me trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Aren’t I kind?

Rereading through old emails, he also had apparently asked at some point to start facing upwards because he really wanted his back to be the last part to be massaged. Translation, I’m a pervert?

Those last emails between us, I can clearly see a pattern of me still working with him, but also trying to break away. Maybe he knew it.

But anyway, on April 18, 2024, he deign call the studio asking for me to return his call to schedule a massage. Are you kidding me? This is over three and a half years later!

The studio texted me and said to give this guy a call to book an appointment. Naturally, the person who took the call knew nothing about all of this, but guess what? Everyone should now! I was very graphic about why the situation with this jackass needed to be brought up to the studio owner. His number has been blocked, his account is flagged, he cannot book appointments on his own.

I contacted a local place for legal advice and was informed that I should file a police report. I spoke with non-emergency and dispatch and it seems like everyone is heavily encouraging me to file a restraining order, which I might just do that, even if he doesn’t reach out again. Any which way, I filed the police report and it’s in writing and documented that he has reached out to me via the studio after being banned almost four years ago.

What can we do to help STOP this shit?

As a massage therapist, I have the damn right to do my job safely and effectively without repercussions. We are professionals. We are in healthcare. A lot of us are licensed. We train in human anatomy, human psyche and ethics. We help with pain management, increased mobility and a million other things. I personally do energy work as well.

In our training, we need to be given phone numbers to call if something happens. We need local massage advocate groups. We need law enforcement’s positive support in addition to PD hunting down human traffickers and illegitimate studios. We need the healthcare industry to finally acknowledge us as a part of preventative and reactive care. Health insurances need to cover massage, just like most cover chiropractic.

We have to speak out about this shit. We need to speak out about our experiences and share them. We need to blast our friends and family who make inappropriate comments. We need to blast Hollywood and the general media anytime they depict us in the wrong light.

I’m not one for censorship, but enough is enough. Just look at the bullshit I’ve had to endure in almost fifteen years of practice–and this is just what I recall off of the top of my head!

Until advocates and their family and friends speak up to help fix this (not cure it, fix it), this abuse will stay the same. This is NOT OKAY.

It is not too big to change. I don’t care how it was in the past. This is literally how change happens! Start today. If you mention this post, I guarantee someone you know will make an off-color remark.

It is your job to correct them. Help me out, help your sister, your wife, your aunt Sarah, help your own therapist.

Trust me, no massage therapist wants to be put in these situations. Nobody wants to feel unsafe in their chosen profession.

We just want to help people.

And if the asshat who just called me happens to be reading this — stay the hell away.

Actually, all of you asshats out there. Stay the hell away.

RESOURCES: ABMP * Respect Massage * Sexual Assault Hotline