allison keli – Page 3 – Swellness Vibes

Regarding Sexual Predators, Inappropriate Conduct, and Massage Therapy

This is going to be a long one, so make sure you have proper time to dive in. And it’s not-so-swell.

I probably should have started advocating for this with my writing a long time ago. It’s not like me not talking about this is making it go away.

I mean, just last year, the guy I pawned off on others contacted me six months later and again requested my services. Why? He liked my “vibe”. Dude… I wouldn’t work with you before, I’m not going to now, either. His job? Professional boudoir photographer who likes to empower women.

As if.

PLEASE NOTE! THIS POST IS GRAPHIC AND MAY INDUCE ANXIETY AND PTSD SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

There once was this young military kid who made references to his time in Asia on more than one occasion. We’d laugh about it, I’d remind him that ‘we don’t do that here’, and we’d move on. Oddly enough, we were both seemingly genuine in our goodbyes when he was shipped off to a new location. (Thank God, though, right?)

Or how about the guy who (sweetly) brought the entire studio coffee because he thought he and I were “friends” after a handful of sessions? I made sure to make mention of my boyfriend (now husband) at the time. Sorry! Not available!

Or the guy who kept claiming he was hot and needed his sheet a different way. I think this guy was a cop. I told him he had to stay draped. (Policy’s policy.)

How about the jerk who recently texted late at night and asked if I did Karsai. I had to look it up–not amused. I told him to seek a medical doc and if he ever contacted me or my affiliates again, we’d consider it harassment. (I naturally told him a medical doc because clearly he needed a shrink.)

Wow, I just had another memory kick in! A dude who blared his own music during his massage! Stupid me was like, ‘sure, of course you can play your own music’. This jerk made more than one reference to massaging the inside of his leg. I let him know he should probably seek clinical care if he needed help on that part of his muscle. Sometime in the future, he was again in the studio and I immediately made myself scarce. Someone else booked him another massage with me. I magically became unavailable for that booked massage and had to cancel it.

He did not rebook with anyone else.

Jeez. How many times have things been inappropriate that I don’t remember? And why the hell is this a part of my job?

Here’s the latest doozy! The asshat I banned in 2020 is back! WTF!

Here’s how I see it:

This particular prick groomed me. I was always leery around him, but I’m a professional and kept him as a client for over a year. Over a year! Looking back, at the time of the infraction, he had stopped talking about his wife and kids. I swear one time I saw him check out my ass. During the pandemic, he even reached out to my Facebook account and asked if I would massage him at his house. I reminded him that that was highly illegal at that point; no freaking way. (No way, anyway!) He would email my business account, too.

Right before the infraction I regrettably had offered some personal information that I was about to get married–this was only to imply that I would be out of town for awhile, so if he wanted an appointment sometime before then, he should go ahead and make one. Rereading old emails, he did offer me an early congratulations, and said he’d like to see me one more time but if he couldn’t, he understood, and he wished me the best.

I was literally just telling him I’d be out of town for awhile. Holy crap — this was his response: I guess I didn’t know how to take it at 1st. I would love to continue to see you! You’re the best massage therapist I’ve ever had! So I’ll book for Saturday & hope it works out. He later went on to say he really needed it, and my dumbass told him to take a rest if he was working out too much! (Guess he had been telling me about his manly weightlifting. Eye roll.)

OH! This is so freaking infuriating!!!

So the day of the infraction: I took him into a room he’d never been in before because we had another therapist working at the time. This room is a beautiful room with lit salt panels on the walls, any color of your choosing.

My guess is he took it as special for him, not special in general. (It’s a damn lovely space.)

He clearly missed the point that the other massage room was in use, so we needed somewhere else to go!

WARNING! WARNING! ABOUT TO GET GROSS AF!

At any rate, I was in denial about what was going on. He was often ticklish. He often adjusted himself while lying prone. He often “responded” that way when he was supine. In school, we are taught that this is normal and there’s no reason to shame a man for “relaxing”, right? Maybe it shouldn’t be normalized. Maybe that’s more patriarchal bullshit.

And so this particular day he adjusted himself for quite a bit, so long that I almost said something to him about it. I turned away from his lower half to continue working on his back, jabbing into the QL muscle, into his traps, trying to come up a with a solution to make. it. stop! Before I could enact any sort of plan, though, his apparent need to stop “readjusting” must have kicked in.

So I convinced myself that it had never happened.

Even so, when I discovered disgusting wet sheets upon his departure, I was floored. FLOORED!

Is that really what happened? What the hell was this guy’s problem?

It is still etched into my memory how another person in the studio asked about his massage while the predator was waiting to pay. I can see his smile, the acknowledgment of another great massage from me. The God Blasted NERVE.

I was freaking weak afterwards, calling my now-husband in disbelief. I contacted the studio owner and she graciously let me ban the psycho in my own way, which was an email:

Dear (Name):
In lieu of what happened during or after your massage session on Saturday, October 3, 2020 at 10:45AM, our therapeutic and professional relationship has ended. This isn’t the first time I’ve suspected something, and while I’m not sure if your actions on the table and subsequent wet sheets left behind on Saturday were nefarious on your part, it doesn’t matter; this is a clear violation of the client / licensed massage therapist professional relationship, and trust is now broken as ethical boundaries on your part have been crossed. I am a professional through and through, and this behavior insults my intelligence and the profession at large. The owner of the studio is being CCed on this email. The other therapists who work at the studio also know what happened. This event is well-documented. There is no need for a response, and this email effectively ends all future communication with me, and all future communication with everyone affiliated with (Name of Studio).

Look at me trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Aren’t I kind?

Rereading through old emails, he also had apparently asked at some point to start facing upwards because he really wanted his back to be the last part to be massaged. Translation, I’m a pervert?

Those last emails between us, I can clearly see a pattern of me still working with him, but also trying to break away. Maybe he knew it.

But anyway, on April 18, 2024, he deign call the studio asking for me to return his call to schedule a massage. Are you kidding me? This is over three and a half years later!

The studio texted me and said to give this guy a call to book an appointment. Naturally, the person who took the call knew nothing about all of this, but guess what? Everyone should now! I was very graphic about why the situation with this jackass needed to be brought up to the studio owner. His number has been blocked, his account is flagged, he cannot book appointments on his own.

I contacted a local place for legal advice and was informed that I should file a police report. I spoke with non-emergency and dispatch and it seems like everyone is heavily encouraging me to file a restraining order, which I might just do that, even if he doesn’t reach out again. Any which way, I filed the police report and it’s in writing and documented that he has reached out to me via the studio after being banned almost four years ago.

What can we do to help STOP this shit?

As a massage therapist, I have the damn right to do my job safely and effectively without repercussions. We are professionals. We are in healthcare. A lot of us are licensed. We train in human anatomy, human psyche and ethics. We help with pain management, increased mobility and a million other things. I personally do energy work as well.

In our training, we need to be given phone numbers to call if something happens. We need local massage advocate groups. We need law enforcement’s positive support in addition to PD hunting down human traffickers and illegitimate studios. We need the healthcare industry to finally acknowledge us as a part of preventative and reactive care. Health insurances need to cover massage, just like most cover chiropractic.

We have to speak out about this shit. We need to speak out about our experiences and share them. We need to blast our friends and family who make inappropriate comments. We need to blast Hollywood and the general media anytime they depict us in the wrong light.

I’m not one for censorship, but enough is enough. Just look at the bullshit I’ve had to endure in almost fifteen years of practice–and this is just what I recall off of the top of my head!

Until advocates and their family and friends speak up to help fix this (not cure it, fix it), this abuse will stay the same. This is NOT OKAY.

It is not too big to change. I don’t care how it was in the past. This is literally how change happens! Start today. If you mention this post, I guarantee someone you know will make an off-color remark.

It is your job to correct them. Help me out, help your sister, your wife, your aunt Sarah, help your own therapist.

Trust me, no massage therapist wants to be put in these situations. Nobody wants to feel unsafe in their chosen profession.

We just want to help people.

And if the asshat who just called me happens to be reading this — stay the hell away.

Actually, all of you asshats out there. Stay the hell away.

RESOURCES: ABMP * Respect Massage * Sexual Assault Hotline

What is a Miracle?

THIS conversation was stoked by a disagreement between my brother and me.

He only believes in his five senses. He doesn’t believe in quantum mechanics or quantum physics (or, oddly enough, he seemed to balk at psychology, too). He thinks all holistic methods are quackery, even something as benign as yoga. I’m not sure exactly what he thinks yoga is, but he’s too stubborn to even engage in learning about it, so the point is moot. I’m going out on a limb here, too, but I’m guessing he thinks meditation is a bunch of hooey as well.

As far as God, he’s always proclaimed to be a Christian, but he admitted he did not know if God was real. He believes the earth is round, and that outer space does exist, even though, arguably, he nor I have ever experienced either, so maybe that’s all made up, too. (I mean, the moon moves, the stars move, the sun moves, but whatever. That’s just a projection from Hollywood.)

I forced him into relaying whether or not he thought I was a rational, logical person, and he reluctantly said yes, but only because he and I didn’t speak about such things. This is my life, people. 🤪

And anyway, this led me to ask him if he believed in miracles. His response saddened me, while his inability to discuss a topic he disagrees with irks me. His response was, of course, no.

So I proffered a tree before us as a miracle, suggesting the fact of a seed turning into a fruitful tree was in fact, miraculous. However, he proclaimed it was only probability.

Ahh, my dear friends, math and science rearing their sensory tangible heads, yet again.

I told him pseudoscience is just unproven science per western means. That doesn’t mean it’s not real. That doesn’t mean it won’t be proven to be scientific at some point.

So what exactly is a Miracle?

My brother’s definition is certainly different than mine, or at least we don’t see eye to eye because he is unwilling to accept that science, and probability, are in fact miraculous.

But let’s check our old, trusty friend, Webster, and see what he says about it.

miracle

noun

mir·a·cle ˈmir-i-kəl

1: an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs

the healing miracles described in the Gospels

2: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment

The bridge is a miracle of engineering.

3 Christian Science : a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly as the fulfillment of spiritual law
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/miracle

To start, I’m going to discount #1, as there’s no tangible proof of divine intervention being made evident, other than through our belief structures. (Don’t get me started on knowledge structures, or faith for that matter.)

Secondly, I’m going to discount #3, as I don’t know anything about Christian Science, and the description seems to open up a can of worms, begging more definitions of its contents than anything else. But can we just say that I dig the phrase “a divinely natural phenomenon experienced humanly”? AACK. That’s just amazing. Can something divine really be perceived as natural? Perhaps only when experienced by a human???

Digression to the fullest extent of the word.

This leaves #2. “An extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or accomplishment.” Yet, the example Webster gives us is this, “The bridge is a miracle of engineering.”

So my, I’ll call it, THEORY, that a common tree is a miracle seems fairly accurate as an assessment, because even Webster is calling a bridge, which is also as ubiquitous as my holly tree, a darn MIRACLE!

So, yes. I believe in Miracles. Miracles happen ALL around us. That doesn’t mean Miracles are not scientific, or mathematic. It doesn’t mean that chance, or sheer luck, wasn’t involved. Math, Science, and Miracles are not at odds with one another.

On that note, I hope your holiday season is damn miraculous, and that the ODDS, by chance, luck, mathematic probability, whatever, are in your favor. I hope you can sense in all of your palpable senses and beyond, the magic behind every thing your brain is creating, and everyone else’s brain.

May you walk this planet in grace, humor, and joy!

Be the Miracle you wish to see in the world.

Happy Holidays!

Ayurvedic Nutrition

I’m taking this course as part of ongoing training for my Yoga Alliance membership recertification. In the future, I don’t foresee me keeping this recertification up–not because I don’t love learning, you know that–but I don’t think it’ll be necessary for my future as a teaching yogi. We shall see.

Either which way, I’m taking Ayurvedic Nutrition through My Vinyasa Practice. I’ve had my eye on this company for a long while now–I had even considered doing my yoga training through them! They also have several other courses I look forward to taking in the future, and apparently I can even apply to work with them at some venture! That might be fun. But for now, let me wrap up this ramble and move onto some of my take-homes in regards to the course.

At this point in my training (a little more than halfway), my biggest AHA! is how imperative it is for future clients–as well as myself–to develop a better relationship with ALL foods. The instructor says ALL foods have some sort of nutritional value. In the past, I’ve poo poo’d certain foods by saying the exact opposite. The creator of the program is right, though–all foods are made out of something.

I’ve already tried to correct the language in my own house. I’ve had this line for years with my kid about how certain foods, that is, junk food, has zero nutritional value. He’s looked at me cross-eyed as I’m now trying to convince him otherwise. I hate that he thinks of junk food as a reward. I’ve always asked him if he was still hungry before embarking on the junk, but now I’ve started to ask him what nutritional needs he is trying to get out of the food. He’s playing along, but again — cross-eyed.

I think a big part of becoming an Ayurvedic Nutritionist means becoming a guide for others through the lens of Ayurvedic notions. The most major idea is to recreate one’s relationship with foods by simply considering a food as nourishing rather than good or bad. Another major idea is to tackle one’s relationship with nutrition by discovering which doshas, or rather, disposition, you were born with, which one you lean towards now, and how to bring them all into balance. There are three major doshas to choose from and generally speaking, one will be a little more glaring obvious than the others. Yes, as humans, we are a blend of all three.

I have such a wide and varied knowledge base at this point. I always say, master of none, but lover of all… and so I feel like I can really create a unique experience creating plans of enrichment for clients. About 15 years or so ago I created a holistic health questionnaire and never went anywhere with it. I think with the nutrition part added to it, now, I can really combine my offerings together into a cohesive document that clients can bring home and expand upon. I’m excited to look into this more over the coming months.

If anything else, it is always fun and enlightening to discover more about oneself.

Stay tuned! Only good things.

Can You Really See an Aura?

Since it’s spooky season, I feel like this question sort of aligns with ‘can you really see a ghost’? I instantly digress! I think we’d have to define what a ghost really is before tackling that question, so let’s stick to the topic at hand — what is an aura?

We’re going Merriam-Webster here for this one: a distinctive atmosphere surrounding a given source (as in: an aura of mystery); a subtle sensory stimulus (such as an aroma); a subjective sensation (voices, colored lights, crawling, numbness) experienced at the onset of a neurological condition; an energy field that is held to emanate from a living being.

For our purposes, we’re going to use the energy field definition, but isn’t it interesting that it’s also a part of brain conditions? I mean, everything happens in our minds anyway, right?

The kid and I were talking about auras this morning after him explaining an intense dream he had of being chased by a zombie and using lucidity to exit the dream state. This led to auras, him telling me he saw purple around me (!), and my insatiable thirst to see what Science — that’s capital S, folks — has to say these days.

Now, I don’t know if my kid really saw purple, but, full disclosure — I have seen colors around others and also floating in the air with my eyes open; I can see outlines of energy; I can see a pulsing in the sky above an ocean; I can see the little whirlies of white squiggles given the right lighting. (The latter is supposed to be an awareness of white blood cells. Who knew?)

I’ve seen some other weird things, and certainly felt inexplicable things, but seeing a rainbow of colors (translucent, not opaque) is most definitely one of the cooler things I’ve experienced on this rotating ball in the heavens.

The next question you might ask is whether or not I’m crazy. I don’t particularly think so. I’m fairly logical, rational. Yes, I’m emotional, and sensitive — which leads me to what I found on the web this morning about emotional synesthesia.

If you’ve read this blog before, you know I’m obsessed with all things brain.

WebMD tackles synesthesia here, but to sum up: it’s when one part of your brain takes stimuli and creates a unique response. Think seeing music as you hear it; tasting words as you hear or see them on paper. It’s not as uncommon as you think! Here’s another cool place to get you started on your exploration of synesthesia.

To sum up: I’m not crazy, the brain is cool, and yes, you can see colors out in the world that others cannot, but as to what exactly it is? Is it your projection from an emotion? Is it someone’s aura, or the emotions they are projecting in the moment?

Kirlian photography also exists which is supposed to photograph your aura in that moment. I’ve had it done twice, several years apart, in two distinct locations in the eastern U.S., and my “picture” was essentially the same both times. I’m wanting to get it photographed again — as well as my son’s — to see if my tightly controlled ball of red and orange have mellowed out to other colors. (Probably not, I’m still a hot head!)

Here are some fun books I’m interested in checking out. Let me know if you have read any of them in comments below or shoot me an email to further discuss. I hope you enjoy the vibes; stay swell out there!

Here’s How My Harmonic Egg Session Went

Wait, what in God’s name am I referencing?

An egg?

An egg that is harmonic and can create a session?

Okay. So if you’ve listened to my podcast, you know that, along with my friend, we consider ourselves skeptical of woo woo ideas, notions, services and talismans. And since I’ve been inside the World of Woo for so long, I recognize the fact that my level of skepticism has waned and I’m far more open to try new, random things without needing to take a deep dive into believability.

And also, because, at the very least, these things create an experience of the senses, which ultimately is what life is about.

This is how I found myself resting inside a giant, sacred geometrical wooden egg with a soft, whitish lavender light above me, cushy zero gravity chair below me. I was covered underneath a sky blue and white plaid blanket, squished between two soft pillows, and had speakers pumping tunes from each side of the egg.

That’s right.

I sat inside an egg-shaped dome contraption thingamabob for 50 minutes to relax, and “heal”.

Here’s some info from Harmonic Egg’s main website:

An ancient technology rediscovered – Ancient Egyptians and Greeks used the healing properties of sound in their healing rituals, and the Aboriginal people of Australia to the present day still use their didgeridoo and drums to heal broken bones and muscle tears.

In the Harmonic Egg three powerful elements are combined. Energy frequencies of light (color) and music brought together in a geometrically shaped space with the aim of balancing body, mind, and soul with each other. This stimulates the self-healing ability of the body.

As of the herbal world, I have a tendency of believing combinations of – whatever – have a more lasting impact than a single entity. Theoretically speaking, combining the right music (scientifically proven to chill a person out), light therapy (again: science is backing the healing effects of certain tones) and the sacred geometrical shape of this egg could activate healing.

Alright: I’m unsure if science is backing this one, but I KNOW in my heart of hearts, there is magic in the shape of a perfectly formed water droplet, in curvatures of a leaf, a sea shell, the perfect dimensions of… an egg?

Okay, maybe I need to research that one.

The website further tells us that:

Data suggests that energy therapy balances the Autonomic Nervous System, detoxes the body, reduces inflammation, increases circulation, and clears trauma at a cellular level.

The resonant frequency used by the Harmonic Egg^® / Ellipse^® has an ability to detect the vibration of your body and any imbalance. That imbalance is harmonized with the exact opposite frequency.

And as an aside, the creator of the egg had an experience inside another type of chamber, has a background in engineering, and TA DA! She created this Harmonic Egg.

Back to my Egg-sperience:

I was brought into the egg room by a technician-in-training. I was introduced to the person who co-owned the egg–a hypnotherapist, Reiki master and psychic among other things–and she introduced herself and plainly asked me to tell about myself to her.

Prior to this, I had to fill out loads of paperwork and disclaimers. She was quick to tap into my energy by looking around my body, sort of said to herself, “I see what’s going on here” and gave me a very quick spiel about the egg. (To which I replied that yeah, I was very tired. I wasn’t thrilled about the assessment without more fanfare, but then again, assuming she had read my paperwork, she must have known about my profession. Still a bit alarming, though.)

The Egg-owner also made mention of smells I might encounter inside the egg — she suggested woodsy or lavender — as this was my “odor” and what my “detox” would smell like.

She also mentioned my past bouts of mono. (So yes, this is truly something asked on the paperwork — and I have a whole slew of feelings regarding EBV, but I won’t go into that here.) I laughed it off (it’s been about 10 years since I had my last flair-up) but she was quick to say not to negate the virus which I house.

She told me she had sobbed inside the egg only yesterday (and due to the wooden nature of the egg, it purportedly doesn’t absorb others’ energies, and is thusly self-cleansing by nature). She said I may sob too — I did not. She also told me I may feel more tired when I left, and how every time is different. I’ve been in this field long enough to know that this is the lingo for many modalities.

I took off my jewelry and shoes, popped into the chair. The technician adjusted it for me, pushing me back, lifting my feet. She gave me the pillows and blanket, had me figure out where to press the bell in case I needed something. The door slowly closed after they made sure the sound was on, and I was alone.

It took me about 5-minutes to calm down; I was excited, I was nervous. I felt my energy being tapped into again, and I assumed it was a part of the process.

Maybe that “tapping into” is more of an opening on my part?

The egg itself is rather spacious — I am a little claustrophobic, but there was so much room on either side of me, and in front of me that I felt fine. The music had a trickle of water running just beneath the tunes, and it seemed like generic, soothing music. As I mentioned, the light was a lavender white, plenty bright to see, not so bright to be bothersome. I closed my eyes and turned on Reiki.

I had expected the colors to change in the egg; they did not. I had expected the music to be louder and more vibratory; it was not. I suppose, overall, it was less a kick-in-the-psychic-ass, and more of a subtle soothefest.

With ten minutes to go, the music slowly fades out. You’re left alone with your thoughts and tinnitus. I wasn’t aware of this part of the session, so I half-wondered if they’d forgotten me (I’m often too timid in making sure I haven’t been forgotten), or if the music had shut off by mistake. But I told my thoughts that they were a wad of nothing, and tried to relax again.

SEE. I saw waves of purple/indigo with my eyes open. With the coloring of the egg, it was easy for me to see the waves of energy, be my own or not. I asked to see another color, and an orange came in, but it wasn’t bright. I’ve seen brighter colors before.

TASTE. Nothing.

HEAR. Just the tunes and my own tinnitus!

SMELL. I did have a short burst of cedar appear; but it certainly could have been MAJORLY influenced via the power of suggestion. But if that’s my detox scent, I dig it!

FEEL. I felt a bubble of joy burst up forth from my heart center at one point. While my intention was to relax, I projected a sense of openness to receive. I imagined my grandparents on either side of me, and told them this space was simply for love. I imagined their hands in mine.

Did I feel like I was inside a spaceship at times? Why yes, yes I did.

Did I have to go to the bathroom? Why yes, yes I did. I decided that since I was detoxing, this meant I was releasing stored fluids of emotions. Like what I did there?

I stepped out feeling rested, but I had questions.

Was this particular shade of light chosen for me and my paperwork and assessment?

Yes.

Was this music chosen for me as well?

Yes. It’s chosen to work with my system where I am in the moment, as opposed to force an outcome.

I’m guessing this means my paperwork was assessed in advance and a plan was made prior to my arrival. Perhaps she would have changed the tunes and light had I been completely different than she had thought. I don’t really know. It looks like owners who are listed on the main website need to keep up with training for the listing.

I am interested in learning more about the process.

Would I try it again? Sure, why not. We all need quiet space at times. It’s close by. I have a feeling there’s a world of Egg Culture out there that I’ve only begun to scrape.

If you want more information, the original website can be found here. Located across the world, you can search to see if one is located near you.